:Give Thy Thoughts No tongue

My mother, Mr. O’Connell, Mr. Lilly, Kipp, And Tiffany!!!

           Okay this will be a very long post and I will have to do it in the course of a few days. I really do not feel like starting with my mother do to the fact it will take too long. SOO I shall start with MR O!!!!!!Connell!!!!!!!

          Mr. O’Connell Is my favorite teacher ever….period. Well… maybe Mr. Lilly and Mr. O’Connell are tied but anyways, he is incredibly smart. He stands up everyday and lectures most of the time with nothing of him. He knows his stuff and knows how to teach it. He is always making me laugh. ALWAYS. His jokes are corny but funny. I have never NOT laughed or smirked or snickered in his class. He cares about people and he is someone I can talk to. Not very many teachers will listen like that. Yeah he can be slightly disorganized but ALL the good teachers are. It’s the boring ones who have everything planned out and are always passing papers out on time. I like to hear his stories and his random tangents he always goes on and how he gets mad at the people for distracting him. It’s pretty awesome. He has this happy-go-lucky feel to him and although I know alot of people dislike him I have always been his biggest fan. I always defend him. lawl. Well I suppose I shall move on to Mr. Lilly.

          Mr. Lilly was my eighth grade English teacher and homeroom advisor. He probably one of the greatest people I have ever met or will meet. He always had this way about him where I could be totally bored and tired and upset  but at the end of his class I was cheery and excited about the rest of the day. He would always start off the class with one of his life stories which always had me listening intensely to hear over the quiet rude whispers of the “slackers” behind me. Everything he said always sounded so profound and it was always something that I have thought but could never put it into words but he always put them in words for me. Normally it was always about life, emotions, and kindness, well mankind basically, and I always agreed. His personality is quite amazing. LQTM (Laughing quietly to myself) I don’t know how to say all this without making me sound creepy and sound like I “like” my eighth grade teacher but I swear like if I could take his personality and put it into someone my age they would be my soul  mate. Or Mr. O’Connell’s. Because guys my age are all really stupid and really ignorant which is redundant I suppose. Whatever happened to empathy and compassion for people and life. All guys are interested now is stereotypical nonsense things. Well I suppose this is all for the Mr. Lilly section but I should add that he really altered my perception of life and mankind and also helped me get through my parents divorce because he knows how to listen and knows the right things to say… OKAY moving on..

          Kipp. He is my mother’s boyfriend but that title is constantly changing. Kipp also has a really amazing outlook on life but alot of time our personalities clashed because he is so much like me. Two years ago I could not call him the same person he is today because he has gone through a very big change. His life was hard just like mine because he got a divorce from his wife but she cheated on him… Don’t worry it wasn’t his decision. So anyways the whole divorce and Kipp moving in thing really changed my perception of religion, marriage, and priorities in life. All changed for the good I think but I’m sure you would disagree with me. Kipp is the type of person who can just walk into a room and in five minutes everyone will like him or hate him. Mostly like him. He not shy AT ALL which I love about him because neither am I. I wrote an English paper on him so I really am not in the mood to go much further.

          Next is Tiffany. She has been my best-friend since third grade. I have told her EVERYTHING and she has done the same. We grew apart in the winter but now we are back to being old “Kendall and Tiffany.” We used to be inseparable and I suppose we still are just not as much. I don’t know what all I can say because there’s too much and too little. I might add more about her later but I’m WAY too tired. 

         My mother… I can’t even begin to start with her. She is my biggest fan and everything in my life. My dad is never around and practically nonexsistant in my teenage life and my mother got me through it. I can’t even wrap around how I feel about her and what she has gone through. Well I should get going but for closures….

          These people all mean a good deal to me and have all had an affect on my life and all have made me who I am today. *Cliche I know! BUT TRUE!!!*  

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Five minutes into the “Rachel’s Challenge” assembly it reminded me of my favorite movie. It is called Pay It Forward  and the whole plot is about one boys attempt to change the world. He decides that instead of paying back a good deed you should pay it forward. If you were to do three nice things for someone and then those three people each did a nice act for three people it starts a chain reaction and eventually you will have thousands of people affected by it all over. It was an incredibly inspiring movie and I always think about that movie. I watched it when I was fairly young which was probably why it had such an impacto on my life. SOOOO the assembly pretty much touched on that just not in those words. I think that everyone should realize how much they can hurt someone and impact them with a little rude comment and such but they should also realize how much a random act of kindness can affect someone. And I hate saying “Random” acts of kindness because it should be an everyday thing. Everyday you should try to be kind to someone. I mean I don’t even have to make it a habit because I basically do it everyday. But I mean I’m definately not perfect. I have caught myself thinking negatively and making fun of people but I have not in awhile. I always try to stick up for the minority. Ah yes the “Minority” but I am the minority. Why is there a minority. Thats silly. Moving on!!! I could go on and on and on and on about sterotypes. But I WONT! anyways ill edit and update this later… PEACE

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My last day in Hawaii could potentially be one of my fondest memories. It was the last day of the Pac Rim festival and everyone was holding hands on the beach. The sand was warm and soft under my bare feet. The hand to my left was warm and had a tight grip while the hand to my right was cold and small. The sun was gently sillhoutted against the burning red and orange sky. It was about to fall asleep behind the massive mountain which was in the horizon. The conductor of the festival got on the life guard tower and conducted us. We sang Aloha Oe and it was AMAZING! The sound we made with twelve choirs took my breath away. I sang with the harmony which I enjoy quite abit. We kept singing the song until the sun was fully behind the mountain so only a redish glow of clouds could be seen. When the sun was down our hands broke apart and clothes were shed down to bathing suits and bodies sprinted into the ocean. The waves came crashing down on us but I don’t think anyone of us had had that much fun. I will never forget how the breeze felt on that day nor will I forget how the sand felt against my feet. The mist that fell apon my face as the sopranos sang the high C. I don’t think anyone could forget singing at sunset.  

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I have a sister who is extremely white trash. I honestly hate her with a deep passion. She is so ignorant it scares me that we share some of the same DNA. She had a relationship with my mother, her husband, and myself but in nine months she has mananged to damage if not destroy them and her career. It’s sad that she is that sucky. She goes to the bars every weekend with her white trash friends who have been nothing short of a bad influence. She has her priorites in the wrong, very wrong, spots. She put her “bar family” infront of her own flesh and her step mother who has been there for her almost her whole life. My mother cared a whole lot about her and she threw her and I under the bus whenever she could. She is obsessed with drama and gossip like a dog is to blood. She feeds off of it, craves it, desires it, and it fuels her for even more destruction. The destruction she can cause is mind blowing. But the scary thing is, is that she does not realize her acts. It is like she is oblivious to the small yet devastating fact that she is a bitch. A flat out ignorant bitch. She ruined my mom’s suprise party because she thought she could get her way by doing it. Well I sent her this text to express my anger and feelings that I had kept hidden under a blanket of fear for so long.
This is how the text messages went… “Very good, want a cookie Jessica?” Her reply… “Stop being a bitch.” My reply…”NO I’m sick of your bullshit Jessica. Your mindless mind fucks. Your games you play are cruel and if you do not know what I’m talking about you are ignorant and stupid. (I doubt she knows what ignorant means) You shall not talk down to me anymore. Good day to you.” Her reply…”What the hell are you talking about. I’m not goingto be talked to like that by a 16 year old.” My reply…”Good because I’m not going to. You seriously should grow up. Get your priorities straight. You put friends and the bar before your family. I have never met someone capable of screwing up relationships, a career, and a life like you have. But I do not care because it is your life. I pity you. Take your ignorance and stupidity, talk about me to your trashy friends, but stay away from me. Stop messing up peoples lives. Don’t communicate to me anymore. You, grandmother, aunt aliison, that whole family are ignorant FUCKS. Again, I pity you all.” Soooo, I hope I made my point. She sent them to my mother thinking my mother would punish me or withdraw emotions from me, but of course my mother agreed with me. You honestly do not know the kind of destruction my sister can and has caused. She is a horrible, dramatic, and stupid girl. She did not finish high school, never really had her father, and wasn’t paid much attention to. This might be a small excuse, pathetic at best, but still an excuse for her pitiful cries for attention. Which leads to my father, who I once admired as a strong, confident, and intelligent intellectual but now I pity him. Alcohol and depression took him by the neck and choked every good thing out of him. Every last memory, priority, care, all sucked out of him. He is trying to recover but stress has lead to health problems which in turn leads to the fact that he has to work harder at work which leads to more stress. Never ending circle eh? His family is rich or they like to think that. They are all about status. This amuses me because how can you live life, love life, feel life, and want life, when all you care about is status. I see the world and people a totally different way than them. I walk outside and breath the air deep into my lungs and know that I am alive. I see the best in people. I look at personality rather than riches. I see their beauty by their ability to hold an intelligent conversation rather than the color of their hair or softness of their skin. I am so grateful I am not ignorant or selfish and I am open minded. My father has given me his small upper lip, anxiety attacks, smarts and a love for anthropology but that is all. All that he can account for. I am my mothers daughter and I say it with pirde because I am who I am because of her.

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“We are punished by our sins, not for them.”

“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”

“The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.”

“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.”

“If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.”
 
“If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.”

“The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.”
“I don’t believe in God but I’m very interested in her.”“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians, Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

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But O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man’s eyes.-Shakespeare

Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.-William Shakespeare

Everyone ought to bear patiently the results of his own conduct.-William Shakespeare

Expectation is the root of all heartache.-William Shakespeare

False face must hide what the false heart doth know.-William Shakespeare

A friend to all is a friend to none. -Aristotle

A true friend is one soul in two bodies. -AristotleAn overflow of good converts to bad-Shakespeare

Everyone ought to bear patiently the results of his own conduct.-Shakespeare

Expectation is the root of all heartache.-Shakespeare

False face must hide what the false heart doth know.-Shakespeare

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice. -Shakespeare

(Ill post more later!)

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FINALLY!!! I get them!!! I mean I can read music and all that and I can play but I finally get lessons. His name is Randy and he is pretty nice looking lol. I’m very excited. I have to leave night school some what early becuase it starts at 6. I guess I’ll work that out. But I’m sooooooo excited. This monday is the first lesson. I’ll be SOOOO NERVOUS!

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SUCKS!!! SUCKS! SUCKS!!! People are so retarded. I swear it’s like the majority of my school lives under a rock. They are retarded. Literally. With an exception of a few intellectuals. rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr. RAWR!!!!!!!!! okay I’m done ranting!  

“Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny.”

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So I have this cat and his name is Oreo. He is black and white and looks like a little panther. I have had him for a while now. He annoys the shit out of me though. I love him to death but at three in the morning when I’m in my deep trance, I don’t want to hear… meow…meow…meeeeeooow. meeeeeeeow!…. MEEEEEOOOOW BITCH!!! And THEN he bits my feet, and I’m like out of it, and I remember one night I was in the deep sleep and I remember saying, “I really hate you, and you are soo annoying.” Then I threw him out. But I like my cat because we have staring contests. He stares at me for a long long time and normally I lose. He doesn’t even blink! My mom thinks he is the devil reincarnated or what not. She plots his death often. Im not even kidding. But she would never touch him. (lawl) Well thats all on my good ol’ kitty kitty!

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So I just read my friend Rocky’s post and it really inspired me. People really do need to read more. People are so so SO ignorant if they think books are boring. Like Rocky said, “Why can’t people curl up with a good book anymore?” I love making me a cup of chai tea, grabbing a blanket, curling up in a big comfy chair, and cracking open a book. Especially when it is raining, I love opening the door and listen to the rain. Sometimes I’ll find myself reading a book the whole day and not putting it down once. Well sometimes I need to get refills on chai tea but my mother sometimes helps me out, :p I really wish I had more time to read though. I mean I’m constantly busy with ACC and school that reading isn’t a high priority. I also play piano which is something that takes time too. But in the summer when it is just too hot to run outside, I’ll curl up in the cold house and read. But if it is nice outside, I’ll run outside and read against a tree, walking down the street, or at the “View” which is an area in my neighbors back yard that looks out mile and miles and miles out over forest and I live in South Hills and you can see the lights of South Charleston. Its an amazing view and very relaxing. So actually at the beginning of this blog I planned to talk about ignorance in people and all that jazz but I actually went along the lines of my love for reading. I wonder how that happened.  

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